Get in touch

Staying in Touch Service

The Staying in Touch service helps birth relatives, adoptive parents and their children maintain relationships through Barnardo's Connecting Adoptive Families Independent Service (CAFIS).

Staying in Touch arrangements can include:

  • in person meetings with birth parents, other birth relatives or another significant person
  • in person meetings with siblings
  • adult to adult meetings in person
  • adult to adult meetings on teams
  • emails (including photos) either via CAFIS or with CAFIS copied in
  • a letter and photo exchange
  • other agreed arrangements.

The type of contact may change over time to make sure that it meets the child’s developing needs.

Benefits of maintaining relationships

For children

Extensive experiences supported by research tells us that it's natural for children to be curious about their birth family throughout their childhood. Adoptive parents are given information about the child’s birth family when they are first adopted, but this quickly becomes out of date and often leaves unanswered questions which can lead to anxiety for both adults and children.

Staying in Touch arrangements can help children:

  • understand their history
  • feel able to ask questions that are important to them
  • feel accepted in their adoptive family
  • feel comfortable about their past
  • develop a secure sense of their adoptive and birth identity and how these connect
  • make informed decisions about the Staying in Touch arrangements in their teen years and beyond.

It is important for parents to talk to their child about their birth family. Children are fiercely loyal, so they will not ask questions about the birth family if they think it may upset their parents. In these situations, children or young people often search for information on social media and their findings are rarely positive.

For adopted parents

Engaging in Staying in Touch arrangements helps adoptive parents understand and share their child’s background with them and answer any questions they may have. Understanding their child's birth relatives can also help them better understand their child's needs.

For birth relatives

Birth relatives will always remember and think about their children. They benefit greatly from the assurance that their child is safe and well. Staying in Touch arrangements can be a good way of sending  birth relatives regular updates to let them know that their child is safe and happy.

How the Staying in Touch service works

Before the child is legally adopted, the social worker will discuss with the adoptive family and the birth family what sort of Staying in Touch arrangements would best suit the child's interests at that time. The social worker will then set out a written Staying in Touch agreement which will include:

  • how often contact will take place
  • whether contact will be in person or via Zoom (and any specific requirements)
  • what time of year meet ups or exchanges will take place
  • what can be included with a letter or email exchange (for example photographs, cards, a letter)
  • who arrangements will be with
  • other significant people that the child may wish to establish Staying in Touch arrangements with at a later date, such as grandparents, aunts, etc.

Once the Staying in Touch arrangements have been agreed, a referral will then be made to the CAFIS Service who will work with you to understand the agreement and what is expected of you. This may include sending information to CAFIS at the agreed time or making an appointment to discuss the in-person arrangements. CAFIS will also tell you what you can expect from them, for example, if you are exchanging letters via CAFIS, they will let you know when the letters arrive.

All Staying in Touch arrangements are reviewed after the first year and 2 yearly thereafter. This is to make sure that the arrangement is right for your child’s age and development, making changes as needed. Cases can also be reviewed at your request.

Letter and email contact via CAFIS

For letter and email exchanges, CAFIS will copy everything you have sent. They will be kept on the child’s file in case anything happens to the originals and when the child is 18 they can see all of the information that has been exchanged if they want to.

If CAFIS are concerned about anything that is sent in or anything that is written a project worker will discuss this with you.

The contact is then forwarded to the relevant people.

Staying in Touch arrangements when the adopted person reaches 18

Staying in Touch arrangements via CAFIS normally come to an end when the adopted person reaches the age of 18 years.

Where there are arrangements for in person meetings, CAFIS will work with you during the first 2 years to make sure that meetings can then continue without their support after 2 years. However, if support is still needed then this will continue.

If you were adopted and you're almost 18, find out about your rights and the options open to you.

Contact CAFIS

If you have any questions about the Staying in Touch service, please call CAFIS on 01795 532081 (Monday to Friday, 9am to 12:30pm) or email CAFIS.SIT@barnardos.org.uk.